The Hour of Confusion

It was the hour of confusion where night meets day yet day is far from night.  As my eyes opened I arrived somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow.   This is the hour where no sound is found.  Where a whisper feels mischievous and a word has the power to leave a tear in time itself.  I gently kissed the quiet and welcomed this lonely hour.  For in loneliness we find ourselves and I have been missing for quite some time.

I imagined myself walking through a carnival.  The overwhelming smells of greasy foods, the laughter and the screams.  I made my way to the carousel.  Porcelain horses smiled at me as music drummed from aging speakers.  I smiled, chose and climbed on.   I held on tight and quickly realized I was the only rider.   The music faded, the voices halted and the spinning began.  The horses turned to fragments and faded to dust beneath my feet.  The colors began to blur and my grip began to loosen.  The stop button was out of reach and I was running the ride.  I let go and let the wind carry me.  I never hit the ground.

I landed gently at the foot of a forest. The air was so crisp I feared my lungs would break it.  Large pine trees reached for heavens gates as the smells of Christmas swirled my senses. The trees hugged each other so tightly that only a small path allowed entry.  I decided to follow it.  As I entered the trees closed behind me. Trapped, I could only move forward.  A million needles began to fall from above and pine quickly blurred my path.  I was lost.  As night fell I could hear the wolves howling.  Who would save me?   I began to pray for direction, for help, for a sign.  That’s when the wind returned.  A tornado ripped through the trees and lifted me up.   I welcomed the fury and marveled as again my world began to spin.

I landed in my kitchen and stirred the hot cup of coffee in my hands.   The clock struck the hour of silence and I considered how my thoughts spin furiously as I clumsily stumble through the path of life.  The wolves bring confusion and the ride of life is sometimes scary but always thrilling.   It is okay to relinquish control but always remember only your hands control the speed and direction of the ride.

Is there clarity in the hour of confusion?  Perhaps not.  Yet it is the hour where I consult the one person who can foster change, myself.