Thin Ice

Somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow, I found myself at a party. The room was filled with women wearing bright lipstick and dresses that sparkled like sunlight glistening on a frozen lake. Music swirled around me and my limbs began to sway. I closed my eyes and surrendered control as the notes lifted my arms above my head. I was lost in the moment and as the air filled my lungs I felt full of nothing but peace. As I felt the exhale leave my lips, the second hand clicked and I was drowning in silence. The quiet was thick and my drumming heart held center stage as it pounded out a solo in a room full of strangers. Every eye turned on me and I stared as the colors all faded and all that remained was a burning glow. My skin felt sunburned by the unbroken gaze of what felt like a million eyes. One soul began to laugh, then another and another till the voices melted together and erupted into a growl. The sound kept growing with intensity and I fell to my knees and covered my ears. I knew I needed to escape but I didn’t even know how I got there. I prayed for direction and that’s when I heard the door creak open. My feet found the floor and somehow, I made it through.

As the brightly colored door slammed behind me, I found myself standing on a wooden deck. A storm had just cleared and the bright sunlight was creating a misty steam as tiny droplets of rain returned to the clouds. My vision felt fuzzy and I began to rub my eyes in an attempt to wake from dream. As my thoughts grew clear I realized, I had found my way home. Three wooden steps stood below me and as my gaze found the familiar road ahead I decided I would walk till I found my family. I paused for just a moment and feared I would get lost without a way to call for help. With another breath I thought, “I’m home. What could happen?” I headed down the creaky old steps and walked away.

My first steps were so simple; it felt as if I was newly born and I traveled down those familiar country roads unafraid. Yet, as I continued walking, confusion found me and I watched the road melt and change and felt completely lost in the most familiar place I have ever been. One road grew to two and then three until there were so many paths before me I did not know which one to choose. I coughed out a prayer and picked a path, the road looked long but the journey was short and ended abruptly when I happened upon a large building. There was an open door and I could see a bright glowing light inside that beckoned me to enter. The glow was so beautiful and rays of light felt as if they hugged me as I lingered in the doorway. I wanted to stay forever but I knew this was the journey’s end. With a single smile, I shut the door and walked away.

The next path seemed endless and felt as if I were walking for years. My legs grew weak and I found relief when road ended again and I found myself standing before a large gray building. It appeared dark inside and as I entered, I found nothing but stairs. A dim light cascaded across a circular gray stairwell that appeared to be made of plastic. The steps appeared to go up and down and they didn’t appear to end. I decided to start climbing and hoped I would find a place to rest but minutes turned to hours and I lost the entrance and thought I may never exit. I was breathless and terrified and just before my bloody feet gave out, I heard someone singing.

I couldn’t tell if the voices were coming from above or below but I knew a group of people had entered the building and could hear the murmur of voices begin to echo through the stairwell. A single girl was singing and yet I found no comfort in the song. I had a sense that I should not trust my visitors but rapidly concern turned to terror and I screamed out “How did you guys get in here?” I heard their footsteps approaching me but I couldn’t tell from where. When they found me, an aging women with skin that reminded me of crinkled paper casually said, “Honey, the door is right there.” I followed the direction of her pointing finger and I could see rays of light but I didn’t see a door. For a moment the glowing rays reminded me of melting butter against the darkness. Confusion made my head spin and I had the urge to run but there was nowhere to go. I nodded at the woman and walked toward the light. The millions of steps flattened and a clear path formed before me. The darkness shattered and turned to dust and that’s when, I woke up.

As my eyes found the morning light I considered how we are all so lost and it is all so fragile but we tend to forget how breakable we are. We are all walking on thin ice and never notice the raging river below us as the hour glass empties on the riverbed.

Wake and begin to live today.

Drink your memories in and grow drunk on the pure happiness. Enjoy the moments of boredom and find joy in the still cool calm of morning and the seconds before your close your eyes at night. Try not to be afraid and remember that whatever you’re worrying about, the love that surrounds you is all that matters. Savor the seconds spent with the souls that make you feel alive. Be present and lock the doors you left behind you.

Do not fear the thinning ice of life. Challenge yourself to live as if only seconds remain and know that once you finally fall through, you will swim.