Am I Awake?

Maybe it was last night or maybe it was this morning.  My pillow cradled my head and I opened all the doors in my mind.  The blankets turned to cellophane and I could see the ghosts begin to crawl up my thighs.  Their smiles were broken and their grip was tight.  The silence grew with intensity till it turned to static and filled me like a broken television screen.  I smiled at my pain.  I could not run so I decided to fall and finally I found my escape.

I found myself standing before a flight of stairs.  Light filled every step and I was unafraid.  I took a step and a mudslide of darkness filled the stairs.  My heart began to race as the stairs began to crumble.  It was as if someone had crushed them like a cookie in a child’s hand.  I felt like crying but there was no time, I was already falling.

As I opened my eyes I realized I was in my living room. Seated on my couch for a moment I felt a deep calm fill my bones.  I decided to stand and that’s when I saw the beasts that were hiding beneath me.  Several alligators crawled out from under the couch and one swiftly grabbed my leg.  I fought but I could feel my flesh begin to tear. My white rug turned to a sea of red.   I could taste the salt of my tears as I looked up and tightly closed my eyes.  As I parted my lips to scream the beasts turned to sand and quickly I sank.

With a toss and a few turns I arrived at my office.  As I approached my desk I could hear the murmur of coworkers chatting and the piano of keyboards being played.  I glanced at a colleague and she smiled.  I tried to return the kindness but as I opened my mouth my teeth began to shatter and fall into my hands.  Blood flooded from my lips and it was if a dam had been broken.  I jumped up and began to run.   I ran out the door and down the stairs.  The stairs began to fade but I just kept running.  Finally, I found the door.

As I opened the heavy metal door I found myself in a sunny field.  The grass was tall and wet from the morning dew.  I walked slowly until I could not take another step and decided to lie down.   Exhausted, I could no longer fight.  A man appeared and reached out his hand.  He was tall and his eyes were kind.  When his lips parted music played and each note wrapped around my heart till it burst with love.  I took his hand and he lifted me up.  Together we found the road home.

Am I awake or am I still dreaming?  I sat up slowly in my bed and watched as the soft hues of a new beginning filled the room.  Dreams are a road map of confusion erupting in the night.  They make us feel lost and then help us be found.  It is clear that I am riding a carousel of confusion but all rides find their end just as all dreams are swallowed by the dawn of day.