The Crash

Before a trauma, the world slows down.   You are driving through a lucid dream.  Your hands control the wheel yet the radio has gone silent.  The colors blur and the road disappears.  Father Time places his hands in cement and traps you in this unreal reality. The universe snaps its fingers and you awake. You see the horror in the face of the other driver as your foot searches for the brake.  The wheel is spinning but it’s no use.  You find your breath, you whisper a prayer and then you crash.

Life is a series of footprints left cemented in our minds.  While we walk on we can always revisit our traumas.  The weather was perfect on the day of my car accident.  I can still see the sun shining through the trees as I traveled that two lane mountainous road.  My best friend had just purchased a new home and I was two turns away from an afternoon of laughter.  I couldn’t remember the name of the road so I slowed my pace to about thirty-five miles per hour.  I glanced to my right to read a sign and when my eyes found the road again I locked eyes with a stranger who was about to change my life forever.  Another driver had run a stop sign and her vehicle blocked my path.  I tried to avoid her but she was frozen in fear.  That’s when the horror movie began to play.  I anticipated the next scene. As we collided the airbag deployed with such force that my glasses broke.  The pain was instantaneous.  I was disoriented and convinced that fire had just shot out of my steering wheel.  Airbag residue filled my car but I was sure it was smoke.  I jumped out of the car and pleaded with the other driver.  “Call  911,” I exclaimed, “I’ve been burned!” She ignored my pleas.

I ran back to my vehicle and desperately searched for my cell phone. As I struggled to tell the 911 operator what county I was in a man appeared and took over the call.  Seconds blurred into minutes as emergency personnel flooded the scene. I could feel the world spinning beneath my feet as I watched a sea of strangers flow before me.  Blood began to trickle down my cheek.  Before my heart could process another beat the chaos parted and my best friend emerged.  I remember the horrified look on her face as I fell into her arms.  I will never forget that moment.

Physically, no scars from the accident remain.  I was taken by ambulance to a nearby hospital and only suffered some minor burns from the airbag along with a few cuts and bruises.  The only evidence that remains is one chipped tooth and mental scarring that will never fully fade.  Prior to that day I loved to drive.  I found freedom in it.  Today, nothing brings me more anxiety than driving.  This is most prevalent when I am traveling somewhere new.  I assume if I am lost I will get disoriented and crash my car.  That may sound irrational but fear never makes sense.  It is just a monster that we all have to face.

So what do you do when you are afraid to drive?

You do it anyway.  You just keep driving and driving till you forget why you were afraid to drive in the first place.  You get lost and learn to find your way back.  You relinquish control and be a gracious passenger.  You learn to enjoy road trips again.   You move on.

Although I will never look at driving the same I will also not let my fear cement my fate.  I learned that day you can never anticipate what is just around the bend and so it is important to make this moment the most important moment in your life.

What are you afraid of?  Why?  Take a deep breath.  Do it anyway.  Today is the day.